“Taoism makes you feel small doesn’t it?”

Posted in Eastern Thought, Oriental Medicine, The East with tags on June 12, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

Back when I was still in the Masters program for Oriental Medicine, I made friends with a fella from China who was a non-denomination Christian pastor. He asked me once if I attended church, and I told him that I didn’t, and that my “church” is at home on my meditation cushion practicing Neigong (mindful meditation/internal cultivation). He told me that’s awesome, and since he’s familiar with Taoism being a spiritual person from China, he asked, “Taoism makes you feel pretty small and insignificant, doesn’t it?”At the time, I was still pretty new to the deeper practices and philosophies of Taoism (I had just started my candidacy for Taoist Priesthood – long story there LOL), so I wasn’t really sure what he meant.

I remember going home that day and really, really, truly reading into the Taoist scripture and Tao Te Ching, and realized he was right. For a split second, Taoism does makes you feel small and insignificant because there is much emphasis in forgetting about yourself and focusing on the way mother nature works, including everything beyond Earth’s atmosphere. And when you take a peak at Carl Sagan’s “Pale Blue Dot,” and listen to his speech on it, you do realize that you are really quite insignificant.

But people can take that feeling of insignificance in a few ways, but the two biggest ways that come to my mind are that it either makes you feel uncomfortable, or it makes you feel alive.

The fact that our seemingly huge planet is not even a speck in the observable universe makes people uncomfortable simply because you realize that our feelings of self-importance is only really relative to the human experience, so our mundane problems and wants and needs are relatively less important than we think, and so that just doesn’t do it for many people.

For me, knowing that I’m insignificant makes me feel alive. There are so many mysteries to the universe that it keeps me starved to learn more about it. Teachings by Neil deGrasse Tyson and Carl Sagan encourage me to continue believing that the fact that we don’t know everything gives us purpose because the more that we learn about the universe, the more we can learn about ourselves.

That’s about as Taoist as you can get… and I say that because what a lot of people don’t realize was that ancient Taoists back in the day observed mother nature and the heavens above as a way to understand ourselves, our bodies, and our civilizations. This is how they came up with things such as medicine (acupuncture/herbal medicine) and the I-Ching (a way to understand what’s happening now and what it may lead to in the future) because they believed that the human body and human civilization is but a microcosm of the universe, because we all came from the same star-stuff (The Big Bang theory and Taoist cosmology are virtually the same).

This is the very reason why I view theoretical physicists and astrophysicists as modern-day Taoists (along with the vast many other scientists searching/pioneering for answers within nature). They’re on a constant search for knowledge.

Ancient Taoists back then observed the universe, recorded their findings, and came up with various lifestyle practices (medicine, nutrition, Qigong) to prolong their lives in order to keep contributing to the great database of human exploration and knowledge.

And to me, that is the meaning of life.

Random Ruminations

Posted in Rambling Ruminations with tags , , on June 6, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

It’s actually difficult for me to think of a long post to write about, but it’s easier for me to write a series of random posts about nothing. Like Twitter or Facebook. But the difference between Twitter and Facebook is that Twitter people actually know their posts are meaningless.

I don’t know how people have time to watch tv. I get up (5am), get my workout in (5a-7a), get the boy ready for school (7a), drop him off at the bus stop (8a), go straight to work (830a), get home (930p), sleep (1030p) and start the day again. Television is not in my consciousness.

I’m missing my workout writing this crap. But it’s okay, I’m sore as hell from yesterday.

I find most Buddhism and Taoism blogs exhausting to read. Most of them write at length about things that only should take a few paragraphs. I mean really… I find that long, drawn out posts about Eastern thought are strange when the whole point is to meditate and quit your yapping. And to be honest, it is so typically “Western” to talk about things all the time, and but it’s mostly just to show off their superior intellectual knowledge, which misses the entire point of Eastern philosophy. Ever listen to an Alan Watts lecture? They’re wonderful (and I find him an exception), but he’s still exhausting at the same time. And not everyone is as gifted as Alan Watts. Most people are just exhausting.

I fancy myself a Taoist, but at the same time I don’t. If I call myself a Taoist, then I’m not one. That won’t make sense to you if you haven’t studied Taoism. It’s a very “STFU and be one with nature” type of consciousness… quit categorizing and quit yapping. I like it. No “congregation” or sangha, no dogma, no pressures from others to practice the same as them. Taoism is so individualistic that Chuang Tzu is sometimes considered the world’s first anarchist.

In regards to Chuang Tzu, Lao Tzu, the Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, and all the rest… when they point their fingers to the moon, most people will only focus on the finger, and not to the moon. We worship the person, tradition, and dogma, and not the universal idea of love and compassion. And that’s dumb.

Just like this post.


Everyone Has Emotional Triggers

Posted in My Past, Rambling Ruminations on June 4, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

Or so I’d like to assume. If you don’t have any triggers, then congrats!

In case you’re not sure what I mean, I use the words “emotional triggers” in this context to mean that certain actions or words will set you off. In a similar sense that phobias initiate an irrational or anxious response, my triggers set my blood on fire. And mine stem from childhood:

  • When someone (particularly my wife or parent) embarrasses me in front of others in a “put me on the spot” or “put me in my place” sort of way (even if joking)
  • When I feel like someone is chastising me in front of others
  • When more than one person gives me a hard time at the same time (even if joking)
  • When I feel I’m being bullied or intimidated
  • When I witness anyone being bullied or intimidated
  • When I feel out of place with friends

All of those things happened to me in the worst ways when I was in my schooling years, and I did my best to deal with them then. But it wasn’t till my college years where these triggers turned violent. Not in a outwardly violent “hurting people” kind of way, but we’re talking my blood boils so badly that I want to scream and cry and punch and kick and break shit like some childhood tantrum. If it gets really bad, then yeah, I’d want to kick the crap out of someone.

Personally, I think it’s a form of PTSD. Your emotions have memories, and whether or not you realize it, your emotional stability will be compromised quicker than you realize what’s going on. Sometimes I’m consumed by rage quicker than I realize why.

It’s horrible. And sometimes it can happen to me with the most insignificant situations. Sometimes when people make fun of me or tease me, I get pissed off. I don’t think that it’s a matter of taking myself seriously (I’m actually a pretty silly person who loves joking around), but the manner and tone in which that person was joking probably set my emotional memory to go apeshit.

For almost ten years, I’ve been studying Eastern philosophy/practices/medicine, and for the most part, I’ve been able to find peace in my past emotional traumas and deal with my anger issues. But sometimes it gets the best of me.

It’s a work in progress.



Posted in Rambling Ruminations, Rant with tags on May 30, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

Back when I was younger, my friends and I used the term “Friend Zone” in a way that implied that it was “me, not her.” Meaning, that despite all my efforts, the girl simply was not into me. It sucked, but it never, ever implied that I was “owed” anything. I would just take time to heal my broken heart and move on.

Nowadays, the younger generation males use the term “Friend Zone” in a way that implies that the the girl is an ‘ungrateful bitch” for all of the unsolicited gifts and attention that was given to her, and that they feel entitled to her company, be it love and/or sex.

Not quite sure if the younger crowd realize this, but ongoing discussions between people of my generation (Gen-X) and the Baby Boomers seem to agree on one thing… a disturbing amount (not all) of these younger males, especially 25yo and under, have the most sickening, spoiled, entitled attitude.

It seems as if something doesn’t go their way, instead of dealing with the loss and moving on, they deal with it destructively. In this case, they indulge in misogynistic behavior. Many times abusive, but tragically violent as well.

It’s disgusting. And disturbing.

I have a baby girl and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let misogyny slide. I feel like the less I say, the more my baby girl will grow up into what seems to be morphing into a horribly entitled society.


Posted in Rambling Ruminations, Rant with tags , , , on April 17, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

Anytime a good idea or philosophy for any aspect of life comes around, people have this way of ruining it by being really… FUCKING… irritating about it.

Why was I caught off guard?

Posted in Rambling Ruminations, Rant with tags , , , , , on April 10, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

Last night a cab driver was trying to pick a fight with me over something (that I didn’t do) in traffic. Obviously, I shrugged him off, but being the sensitive person I am, it ruined my mood and I was angry over it all evening and the next morning.

Why was I even caught off guard? For one thing he’s a cabbie, and you know how many of them can get… rude, aggressive, and obnoxious. And another thing, he’s a human being. In today’s society, humans can get even more arrogant and classless due to some strange collective consciousness of bitterness and desperation due to whatever crap you want to blame it on, be it corporate brainwashing, class warfare, economic crises, whatever.

To be honest, I shouldn’t have been surprised at this guy’s negativity. Americans are some of the most polarized people on the planet. People are either really really shitty, or really really nice. But we live in a society that feeds on the more destructive, egotistical, and selfish side of individualism (as opposed to people like myself who are individualists, but respect other peoples’ way of life). Unfortunately, I’m more at the point nowadays that I’m more surprised if someone is genuinely kind and courteous to me, and I become so elated, that I want to return that kindness doubly.

But anyway, I’m over what happened last night, I think I’m just more upset that I let it get to me. I knew that once I’m out in public, I’m bound to encounter negativity more often than not. But I let my guard down, which should be up the moment I leave my house till the moment I come back home. It’s my fault this person made me angry. It’s such a cynical thing to say that whenever I leave my home I should expect people to act shitty (but outwardly appreciate when they act nicely), but really, a sensitive person like myself needs to put up a guard like that, otherwise I get sucked into the bitterness, selfishness, and egoism… and it has happened before.

Oddly enough, I genuinely love people, otherwise I wouldn’t be so giving… providing them natural medical care, or pledging to sacrifice my life for them. It’s neither hatred nor anger that I feel, it’s indignation, I guess. I said it before, I’ll say it a million times, the reason why I enjoy my private practice is because that’s where I meet people in their most vulnerable, yet most genuinely human form. And it’s honest and pure.

I’m just rambling at this point.

It’s Been So Long

Posted in Rambling Ruminations on April 7, 2014 by Rebellious Qi

It’s been a while since I’ve been writing on this site, but mainly because I’ve been paying more attention to another site dedicated to my private practice (Acupuncture/Oriental Medicine), and that I’ve been focusing on my career(s) a lot more as a whole. Plus, I had no idea where this blog was going, and I was starting to feel like my attitude towards life has been on the more self-righteous side, so I stopped. But I’d really like to come back to writing here since it feels slightly more anonymous, and I just have so much on my mind that I want to release.

A lot of changes has happened over the past year, I’m not really the same person I used to be. Hell, I’m not even the same person I used to be yesterday.


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